It’s that time of the month again! I’m joining June’s Linkup for chronic illness. If you are new, let me explain what this linkup is. Each month, Sheryl Chan from A Chronic Voice, picks 5 topics to write about. The topics for this month are repeating, wondering, turning, getting, and desiring. You don’t have to write a lot about each topic, just a paragraph or two will do. Let’s review the rules for anyone here that’s new.
- You can only put 1 link per website
- Comment on a minimum of 2 other blog posts in the linkup.
- The linkup starts at the first of each month and closes before midnight on the last day of each month. This is run in Singapore timing.
- Write about at least 3 topics.
- Share the main link to the linkup at least once during the month to spread the word.
- Not following the rules might get you blocked from future linkups.
This past month, I have found myself repeating a lot of the same actions day after day. I think the biggest one for me would be social media. As I am currently trying to grow the Chronically Unimaginable community, it is important to engage with others online. It has been an interesting process. I have never been one for social media, yet somehow this is different. Going into it, I thought I would be promoting my blog and such. However, I found a community of people going through similar things. So this repetitive action to me has changed from becoming promotional to be a necessity for my mental health. The interaction I get from the friends I am making is amazing. I don’t think that I could have ever foreseen that outcome.
You see people on social media all the time, pushing their brands or businesses. As I walked blindly into it, I found myself embraced. I love to help encourage others when they are struggling and they in turn help me when I need it. Social media has become like one big family to me and I don’t know where I would be without it. Somehow, it is always these repetitive actions that surprisingly reap the greatest outcome. Who knew?
Wondering is an interesting topic for me. I think there are many things to ponder about, but there has always been one that trumps them all. Where would I be if I wasn’t chronically ill with mental health conditions? I wonder what life would be like. They always ask you when you’re young what you want to be. I never had an answer. So I wonder, is this what I was always meant to do? Without chronic illness, would I be stuck in a dead-end job and miserable? Would I be happy? It’s interesting to think about life from a different perspective. So I question if all the trauma I went through was for a purpose. Could I do what I do today, without my past? The only thing I know for sure, is that I’m here because of my past experiences.
Turning. Hmm. I feel like I have turned over a new leaf regarding my mental health. Specifically in my self-confidence. Comments that would usually make me squirm, don’t bother me anymore. I don’t quite know what to attribute this to. Maybe it is a combination of things. I really feel that my blog, interactions on social media, and increased positive self talk has helped tremendously. To not feel like the scared little girl who was bullied, emotionally abused, and then put down by herself is amazing. It’s a through and through change as well. You can always fake strength on the outside, but for the first time in my life, I feel powerful within.
My lymphedema has been getting better, painfully. If you don’t know what Lymphedema is, I will link a blog post here explaining it. I have acquired so many years worth of fluid in my body, that it is not simple to fix. There was damage done and some of it cannot be undone. It is quite an interesting experience to feel when the fluid is moving to different parts of your body. For me, the lymph fluid commonly gets stuck around my thighs and hips. The pain is actually indescribable to someone who does not have Lymphedema. I really do not have words for it. So while I am so thankful that I am getting better, the process is so painful and will take many years to get to a manageable level.
My number one desire has always been to get married. Ever since I was around four years old, I can remember wanting to be just like my mom. I have the innate desire in me. The thing is, with anxiety there comes problems. If I cannot confirm to myself something will happen when I really want it, my worry explodes. I have been dealing with this for years, but especially this last year. It’s hard for several reasons. The biggest being chronically ill and disabled. It is extremely hard to meet someone, let alone someone who is equipped for this type of life. Then comes the mental health side. You may say, “Just try dating apps!” That is a huge no from me. The anxiety would eat me alive.
So, like any person in this stage of life, I struggle. I struggle with the what ifs. Being a person of faith though allows me to rest my burdens on God’s feet. Even though this feels like an impossible situation for me right now, I know that I will get through it with time. I am reminded of my stronger self-confidence and see that I am worth it, married or not. Having an intense desire can be hard, but it can also be extremely wonderful when said desire comes to fruition. While I wait for that day, I know that I have a purpose in the here and the now. My purpose is to inspire, serve, educate, encourage, and lift up others both in and out of the chronic illness community. I am so proud of that purpose and myself.
So what did you think of my answers to June’s linkup? I feel like I got more personal and in-depth than the last two that I participated in. Thank you so much for reading and please subscribe for more great content. I’ll see you next time, my Un-imaginables!